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Terry’s Top 10: Ways to blow an imaginary $1 million in Myrtle Beach
By Terry Massey
Imagine you won $1 million in the lottery, but there's a catch. This is the Myrtle Beach Lottery, and all your money must be spent in the area in one week.
You can't buy a condo or a convertible or anything you can take with you, except for maybe a few cheap souvenirs. The rest must be blown by week's end.
I can't tell you what to do with your money, but I sure as heck can spend mine. Here's my top 10 ways to blow an imaginary million bucks in Myrtle Beach in a week:
10) Sunday is check-in day so we might as well stay in luxury. We could rent out an entire Myrtle Beach hotel for the week with enough left over for room service, but I'm thinking beachhouse. Make that a beach mansion. Of course, you can't buy a tent on the beach for under a mil, but you can't rent any one you want for a week. I found 72 Seaside in Litchfield Beach, a seven-bedroom oceanfront spread with pool and hot tub for $13,750 per week. That's $986,250 left. This is going to be difficult.
9) Since we're staying so far on the southside, we're going to need some sweet transportation to get us around the Strand. Let's buy a brand new convertible Hummer for $33,390 (we'll donate it to the Boys & Girls Club at week's end) and charter a yacht for $5,600 for the week to carry us up and down the Strand with no traffic. Of course we'll need gas for both (premium at $1,000 per tank) and a driver and a captain at $5,000 apiece per week, leaving us with $935,260 more to blow.
8) We'll be doing a lot of fine dining during the week and buying everyone in the restaurants meals while we're at it. Breakfast at Sea Captain's House in Myrtle Beach, lunch at Grande Dunes Marina on the Intracoastal Waterway and dinner at Frank's Outback in Pawleys Island all for about $5,000 per meal plus $1,000 tip. And a big trip to the grocery store $2,000 for some late-night snacks plus a round-the-clock personal chef for another $5,000. We're down to $886,260.
7) Now that we've got all the basics covered, it's time to have some fun. Sunday night is typically pretty slow, but not when you've got this much cash to blow. Let's take the yacht up the Waterway to the House of Blues in North Myrtle Beach, where the Rolling Stones are playing. Why? Because we paid them $250,000 to do a one-night show. Invite as many friends as you want and you've still got room to roam on the dance floor. The open bar is a bit pricey, so now we're down to $632,000.
6) It's Monday night and the Myrtle Beach Pelicans are in town. Let's rent out the entire ballpark for the night at $40,000 and park the Hummer in the middle of center field for the best seats in the house. Hot dogs, cold beer, pizza, pretzels, ice cream and more beer to wash it all downs rings up another $4,000, and the team will let our party of eight take turns batting for $2,000 each. The best night at the ballpark ever leaves us with a dwindling total of $572,000. We're getting there.
5) Amusement Parks and waterparks can be all blast, but all those crowds make it hard. So let's rent out Wild Water and Wheels for Tuesday for $30,000 and Family Kingdom for Tuesday night for another $30,000 and ride what we want, when we want and as many times as we want. The water slides and go-cart rides should keep us busy for the first half of the day and the roller coasters and bumper boats are a nice nightcap. Cotton candy and snow cones leave us with $510,000.
4) We're halfway through the week and halfway through our money, so Wednesday is hump day in more ways than one. We need a break from all that running around town, so let's have a huge beach party at the crib and invite 100 of our closest friends. We'll need shrimp, lobster, crab legs and oysters for about $10,000 and rum drinks and kegs for another $10,000, plus a $50,000 appearance fee for beach-music great Jack Johnson. We're down to $440,000 without leaving home.
3) Thursday is a big party night on the Strand, so let's hit some hot spots and drop some bills. Cover charge for us and anybody else that wants to join the party train at Broadway at the Beach's Celebrity Square costs about $2,000 to get in all the bars and the bar tab will run us another $5,000. Club Kryptonite is closed, but it will re-open for the right price. The after party at Club K runs another $20,000 and 50 Cent will DJ for $25,000. We've still got $388,000 to spend over the weekend.
2) The weekly concert series at Plyler Park could use a little star power, so let's hire South Carolina's own Hootie and the Blowfish to rock the outdoor stage for $50,000. Then we can slip into the Bowery without dropping much coin, maybe $1,000 since they only serve Bud Light and wine. Then our yacht picks us up at Second Avenue Pier and takes us for a beach bar pub crawl up and down the coast, maybe $2,000 per stop. We've got one day left to drop $327,000.
1) It's Saturday, the week has flown by and we've still got more than $300K to spend in 24 hours. First we rent a banner plane for $2,000 and drop $100,000 in $5 bills on the beach and watch tourists fight over our chump change. Then we go to Alligator Adventure and buy 100 gators for $2,000 a head and set them free in the swamp, go deep-sea fishing at Ripley's Aquarium for $25,000 and turn them loose in the ocean. If there's any left over, we go to Wings and buy up all the hermit crabs and set them free on the beach. That ought to bring a little nature back to Myrtle Beach and let our million-dollar spree leave a lasting impact on the area.
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